It’s Been a While

A long time ago, in this very place,

The age before my weary face,

When the scars were wounds, open and raw,

And I couldn’t stand the face I saw.

When the whisky and tequila reigned down,

Every look at me was a disdainful frown,

And I was headed nowhere fast,

Kicked, beaten, hopeless and downcast,

When even friends would no longer draw near,

Even death had learned to fear,

It’s been a while since I wanted one more day,

Desperate for the reason why heaven pushed me away.

No idea why God was mad, why I was made so bad,

To fathom why he wanted me so sad,

It’s been a while since I could think my own thoughts,

Beyond the suicide and the courts.

Time and tide, I started losing stuff and sanity,

The clock it ticked, wrapping up darkness own vanity,

An allegory of my shipwreck upon the shore,

Energy and will to breathe, they are no more.

So, I do this thing called – therapy,

Being honest, for once, it makes no sense to me,

Feeling good about having nothing ahead,

Only the pain that has destroyed my head.

Even now I perpetuate a simple lie,

Because I never started to hurt and cry,

Broken and worthless was all I ever was,

Growing old, no shield called because.