The Other Shoe

Did I read it a long time ago
Maybe I wrote it in the not so distant
A hammer or shoe was falling
Not real, not in one version
Or, perhaps any for that matter
I sound like I missed the point
It wasn’t about hammers, shoes or footsteps
Not really, honestly,
I have to say they felt a little real to me
Did other people feel reality
Was it closing in suffocating soul and life
For someone else, somewhere other than here

The point was, for one of the writers anyway
Is that shoes come in pairs
I vaguely wonder if they could write that today
In that offhand ableist way
You could avoid their point for a while
But it sits there, no cares
Shoes are made in pairs

I argue with some ferocity in mind
Shoes do not fall in pairs
Thinking hard of when shoes fell in my life
Justifying to myself it was only one that ever fell
And the nagging fraction of doubting seconds
Invades the rapture I call resistance
The memory of the synapse that flares

There is no power to suppress the truth
That lives inside your head
I know the shoe for whom it listens
The pair, the inevitable fall
From graces not firmly bound
If ever they were found
Ask my mind if it would be so kind
No remorse, the cruelty of time

Wait and sit, then wait some more
What do I know about the rain
Where it goes or where it was once before
School told me it was a cycle
There is no comfort in cycles anymore
More curse than redemption,
Condemnation of that eternal

Should I be peaceful that I sit not alone
Each date passing to deathly sorrow
Where a friend could once have stood
Instead the mindful forgetting
Blended and aged with wilful neglect
With words of remembrance
This moment cares not for mortal regret

Time still passing and burning,
No change for the winter, or ice in your soul
Books and their wisdom
Make sniggers for the idle of minds
Some hours for the bored and their wives
Would you ask, remember for thee
The shoes in their pairs and my lost analogy

My hiding in rhyme and pretence I mistake as panache
Movember’s forgotten moustache is January’s laugh
I remember the reason and why I am here
But not why I stayed
Why l listen in stillness for what I won’t hear
Ask why I care, and where is the emotion to find
Is despair, a well refilled in a cycle
Water of death, decay, choke out the life
Till the other shoe falls and we can lie dead
Lifeless and done till somebody cares

Cryin’

I’m not a wannabe rapper,

I’m no baller, not dapper,

There are no rhymes I’m spitting,

No rage in the notes I’m hittin.

I’ve hit the age, I’m old to the youth,

Reality is, I’m too long in the tooth,

My anger is deep, heard too many lies,

Too many funerals, friends that have died.

There’s so much deep hurt,

Lonely people lie in the dirt,

Ain’t no virus doing the killing,

Lost, alone, nothing left, thats what they feelin.

Mental health, trendy is what you calling,

Through the gaps my brothers keep falling,

Violence n hate is what they frontin,

To the world we keep stuntin,

Truth is it ain’t cold hearts not beatin,

It’s us, with defences that be crumbling,

They a problem is what I’m hearin,

That’s lies I aint buyin, my brothers are dyin,

It’s not about verses, it’s a situation, you listening,

Not about, rhythm, melody, not about cursin,

Real life aint entertainment, its about hurtin,

Getting dirty, in darkness its pain that’s lurkin,

It’s not an abstract concept I’m revealing.

It’s a shout out for us to start healin,

Only deaf ears out there not carin,

Fallin apart n breaking, they starin,

I’ve nothin to say, with words my patience is out,

Nothing is happening, broken people got no clout,

Everyone talkin, but the sincerity I doubt,

Lies and broken promises we can all do without.

Sat here just writin, wishin my compadres weren’t lonely,

Brothers us all, could we see that, if only,

Instead we lose, seduced by what’s phoney,

No changes, nothing, yeah I said it, if only,

Not theoretical, these words I’m relivin,

The hurt and loss we all feelin,

Inside and out, we cryin and cryin.

I’m no problem to be solved, not a policy made,

Our graves are dug by the same spade,

Some us livin in prisons you think that we made,

Innocent your not, you supplied and you paid,

The darkness and fear they don’t discriminate,,

It’s us who should be happy they hate,

On the brothers they know they can prey,

Are you listenin, do you hear what I say.

I’m out, I’m done, the words they are dry,

I’m not burned out, this flame didn’t die,

I’m tired and hurting from losing the fight,

I’m in the darkness to; for now it’s goodnight.

I’m not cashing out or saying farewell,

Resisting temptation for goodbye, can you tell?

I’m holding on to life, one more time, just for now,

Stay with me, don’t fold, stick it out, let’s discover how.

Neurodivergence

Thoughts of oblivion

Thoughts of shame calling so loud

Calling my name

Thinking of pain and release

The noise it won’t cease

Drowning me

Smothering me

Cutting me loose

A choking noose of conformity

Rules I never knew

Things I did wrong without a clue

Not fitting

Not Sitting

Never comfortable,

Never at home

Wishing for silence

No time is my own

Cut me loose

To slice is my power

Don’t go on forever

Not even an hour

Longing for what I’ll never have

Belonging for a moment

My dream and my staff

I’ll still love you when the drugs wear off in the morning pt 3

I'll still love you when the drugs wear off in the morning

When the comedown hits and I’m feeling sore

I’ll still love you when the sun comes up

And I’m hungover, and I’m feeling poor

I’ll still love you when the high is gone

And I’m left with nothing but the pain

I’ll still love you when I’m all alone

And I’m begging you to come back again

I’ll still love you even when I’m not lovable

When I’m mean and nasty and I’m full of spite

I’ll still love you even when I’m not beautiful

When I’m covered in bruises and I’m looking shite

I’ll still love you even when I’m not worth loving

When I’m a mess, a failure and I’m a broken sham

I’ll still love you even when I’m not lovable

Because I love you more than words can ever say

War Machine

Today is the day to kiss cares and worries away,

Today is the next day in the story of the rest of our lives,

We march triumphantly off to the unknown,

To die in glory in a land we do not know,

Against our brothers we have never met,

We murder our dreams and futures as we slaughter the friends we never made,

For a cause we blindly repeat and masters whose cruelty we obey,

For a land we will never steward and people we will never meet,

Such is glory when a war machine shuffles its feet.

The Observer

The threat of the observer is constant,

A lie becomes gospel if enough people think it is beautiful,

Exposure edits us,

Fame is a lie with good lighting,

If we are not shining, we are fading.